Last night I had a startlingly vivid dream about my grandson that has haunted me all day. That dream had multitudes of information which I have contemplated for the last 24 hours. It has deeply affected how I perceive the “traumatic” situation in our family and the debilitating emotional issue it has been for me. What if those thoughts of sadness, loss, frustration and concern for my grandkids are not based on THEIR actual reality now? Again I got to clearly view the possibility and even the likelihood that they do not grieve the situation or miss us like we miss them. Evidence strongly points to the fact that we live in completely different realities of life, daily life. As I pondered further, I wonder if NOT having them in our lives is actually a blessing and a protection for us. Yes! What is socially acceptable, the norm, and maybe even expected of kids today, can be very disturbing to those of us in our generation with our morals, standards and ethics. What is so painful for us to consider our grandkids being exposed to is more like a very foundation of who they are and what their lives are actually like – right now. Do we want to know the reality of the culture and world they are living in as opposed to our likely naive and unrealistic wishes for them?
Over the years of alienation, people who love and care about me have gently pointed out that life is more peaceful and kind for me right now. Yes, at times I may be lonely, but I no longer worry, stress and cry about the level of trauma in the lives of my grandkids that I observed, couldn’t fix, and how much I still miss them. It just IS and they have learned this way of life to be “normal” because they can’t fix it either; or may not know there is anything TO fix. We all adjust to many situations throughout our lives when that appears to be the only option, which led to my next ah-HA moment.
What if we are not being excluded but rather protected by some higher source to NOT know what our grandkids are actually dealing with and who they really are right now. I certainly can look back on many situations where my heart broke for whatever situation was happening for them that I was aware of and how painful that was for me to witness. What if it is just better to NOT know any more right now?
In sharing this new insight with a friend today, a new phrase arose. We were reminiscing about the past. Some amazing words came flowing from my mouth. I said, “That particular story was my Five Minute Fantasy compared to the actual reality that I deceived myself into believing was so great. What I so deeply long for may be only in my HEAD! That is the REAL truth about the Five Minute Fantasy. I think the good times were 5% with the remaining 95% being FAR from nice or anything to be longed for. It is a GIFT to not have the dysfunction and negativity in my life anymore, even though I always miss the joy of my grandkids themselves. Returning me to THE question again! Are we actually being protected from all that noise and chaos which we could never fix for anyone, including the offenders causing it? Good riddance to it.
Today is fine. My life is fine. News Flash to self: I AM ALSO FINE. There are really nice people in my life, I have other family members and friends who love me and we have wonderful relationships, I live in a beautiful community of peers, a house I love, excellent health, fulfilling activities and a fabulous dog named Sugar because she is so incredibly sweet, kind, gentle, funny and loyal.
My friend and I are so excited today to discover and explore further the theory of the Five Minute Fantasy and encourage you to check it out in your life’s journey along memory lane. Our grandkids are living their lives! I wish them the best and I have decided it is time for ME to do the same thing ~ now. I love them, I love myself and am ready to have a lovely life once again. What a great day! I am so grateful for the wisdom of last night’s dream and where it all led. Thank you.
I wish peace and comfort to each of you on this journey of life we all are sharing together on Planet Earth! Sweet dreams. xo
Grandparent Alienation Forum 