October, November and December are filled with HOLIDAYS. What a tricky word. It has unending meanings and significance in each person’s life. Before you continue reading this, wait to you are able to allow yourself a length of time to visit a very sacred place within yourself which guards your deepest memories, the ones that contribute significantly to you who you are today. For better or for worse. Get something that you can write down some of your thoughts with. Take a deep breath. Breathe in deeply, slowly to the count of four. Hold it a few seconds. Breathe out slowly to the count of four. Repeat. Feel yourself begin to slow down, relax, and now give your mind permission to also S.L.O.W down. Write down all the thoughts that come to you and then wait for many more to follow. When you’re done, sit back, take another deep breath and just “be here now”, wherever that may be.
After examining my own memories, I realized that ALL of those memories were a flash in the pan, gone! I named them a compilation of “Five Minute Fantasies”. Significant at the time they were happening, but what purpose do they serve now if they cause me anguish and pain today? Deep in my heart, the truth? None. Life DOES goes on. Life events DO happen and sometimes we cannot change them or fix anything. What possible purpose or benefit is there to anyone to ruminate the past as we choose to remember it, not-to-mention the possibility that we are the ONLY ones who remember it the way we do! Dumb. I am DONE with allowing that past with all the “Five Minute Fantasies” to influence and control my happiness, joy and my very LIFE ~ today! Stop again and let this thought settle into your heart. Breathe deeply again and go back to check YOUR “Five Minute Fantasies” that you wrote down. How deeply are they influencing your life today, right now? I also considered they may be only MY memories and no one other than me remembers or reminisces about them the way I do. Dumb! And.. it is 100% of my making.
We can remember, analyze, rehash, hope, wish and dream that things could/should be like that now too, but they are NOT. What if it’s time to take a real look at what IS and how that feels to you! Is constantly mourning the loss of those former times what you want for the rest of your life with its feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, worthlessness, insomnia, anger, resentment, and staying paralyzed with grief and loss? Is this what you want in your life ~ for the rest of your life? HELL NO! Is it realistic or necessary for our lives to have NO value unless certain people are actively involved and must like, love or want to share their life with us? Come on now. How ridiculous and unnecessary. What if it is time to RISE UP, STEP UP and take our power back. I cannot control what anyone else does, but you better believe I CAN, will and AM now in control of ME. After a long series of thoughts and inner explorations, I decided that I simply want to BE HAPPY and am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that. The best news is that that is exactly what has happened to me over the last year, culminating in the “enough” letter I sent 3 months ago. After one last incident of complete and utter disrespect of myself and my grandkids, I had a fire rise up in my soul, resulting in my new and beautiful life today. The only thing that changed was MY perception and decisions about MY LIFE and what I would and would not accept. I am determined to be a happy, peaceful, respected woman with a nice life and giving back in my community in my own ways to make the world a better place some small way. My life is now filled with the kindest, nicest and most interesting and fun people that I am so grateful for. That happened because I decided how I wanted to be treated and that I wanted like-minded people in my new life. That is exactly what has happened much to my delight!
Now THIS holiday season I am HAPPY and excited. I am taking a trip and getting on a plane to go have some fun with people I love with all my heart who like, love and WANT to be with me. Yay! I haven’t done anything like this over the holidays for MANY years and now is my time to make some NEW, happy & cherished memories. I deserve it. We ALL do. Take care of yourself, treat yourself kindly with love and respect and others will too! Speak your truth, take care of yourself and trust in the process of life.
Take the time to take those deep breaths, explore the territory in your heart and expand it beyond what causes you only pain. It IS ok to start a new life at any age under any circumstances. It truly does begin with one step. Take that ONE step ~ The Universe, God or a Higher Power will be right there by our side, guiding our way and opening doors we never dream existed, and they DO! I also have great belief that God IS caring for my grandkids in ways I cannot – He IS. Their dad once told me they are on their own paths and to allow them their journeys whether I understand or not. I now understand what he was telling me. I cherish the time we had together and hope that they will remember the deep love I always had with, for and because of them. They remain the very most cherished beings in my life and I am always available with open arms and heart for them for as long as I am on this planet, and maybe beyond that as well. They are beautiful people and I hope someday these blogs may help them in their lives. I love you guys with all my heart. May everyone in our family be safe and blessed always. I am so happy to be your happy, peaceful gramma & hope the same for YOU. xoxoxoxxo
HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all, and to all ~ a good life!
Grandparent Alienation Forum 