Life has gone on for all. Apparently my daughter has a new mom or two. I have been blessed with a new “daughter”. Not the same, no. No more fighting, crying, disrespect, irrational demands, emotional catastrophies, unexpected consequences, eggshells to not walk on, and NO more roller coaster rides for my grandkids to be “confused” about. Life is definitely filled with more peace. Yes, I have sadness, but I don’t have extreme trauma as being a mom who is never enough ~ when I really AM.
Although I go through moments of overwhelm at the extreme loss of my grandkids, it is nothing that hasn’t already been happening for decades. In reality the only thing that has really changed is the relief for ME of the ongoing and extreme dysfunction in our family. I am finally FREE of any more inclinations to do anything MORE with the eternal hope of persuading my daughter to be nice or respectful to me or allow the kids to have any contact or relationship with me. Still. I am glad I sent the “letter” to her.
Thus far I doubt life will EVER be normal or ok. At the same time, I have new insights about the decision and responsibility to begin to LIVE my life with purpose and joy. It has been a true revelation to give myself permission to awaken to LIFE vs. sadness and loss. I believe we all do have reasons for being “here”. It’s such a delight to discover some of mine that have revealed themselves. I am so grateful and happy to be of service to others who are seeking out my services. This feeling of being valued is so unexpected and reassuring. I DO have value and purpose to others! It has added comfort to my life that I am so grateful for. (Google: The secret to happiness is helping others.) Amazingly true!
One of the ways to navigate this new way of thinking is to be very vigilant about guarding my thoughts. Yes, at times I simply break down and the tears flow. For my physical and mental health I allow it. However, I also am clear about recovering from those moments and am learning how to refocus on a variety of positive thoughts and ACTIONS to take. I am taking charge of my thoughts and emotions. I no longer allow them to overtake my entire day or life. It’s a balance of the healthiness of grieving and the importance of going on to remember my main goal: “I want to be HAPPY.” That phrase is now an important part of my life. When faced with a decision or a crossroads, I ask myself, “Will this help me be happy?”. It helps tremendously in creating a good life that I can be grateful for, share with others and enjoy. I AM SUCCEEDING!!!
Will I ever see my grandchildren again? Will they ever WANT to see me? What have they been told about me? Are they happy and well? Are they ok? Do they have friends & fun? Do they miss me? Are they safe? Do they EVER think about me? Do they, or will they ever, remember the few years of incredible love and deep connection I believe we had? Will they ever know how deeply I loved them all along with all my heart and soul. Always! It’s so difficult to make hard decisions in the HOPE of protecting us all from anymore pain. My decision to STOP the insanity and surrender to what is, was intended to prevent any more abuse for any of us. I don’t know if my decisions are “right” or not, but I have truly done my best. That’s mine to live with now and forever. I pray those precious grandchildren are well and will have very kind and blessed adult lives to enjoy when that time comes for them. When that someday does happen may they remember me as the gramma that they once had a connection-of-a-lifetime with and KNOW I loved them with all my heart. And still do…
The door is always open & the light remains on! I accept today as it is and I pray for someday, in some unknown way, that we will be together again. It is in the hands of God. Amen.
Grandparent Alienation Forum 