Loneliness

“Sadness because one has no friends or company” is the definition I got from the dictionary. Loneliness is so difficult to experience and recover from. I lived in San Diego with all my lifelong friends of 30 years. Now I live in Tucson, Az 400 miles away from “home” and my original friends. I am also divorced as well. Former husband is on wife #3 with her kids & grandkids now his also, no long term friends nearby and NO family or grandkids of mine because my daughter will not allow them to have any contact with me. I have given up trying to figure out WHY & she will not talk to me about that or anything else. Because of how much she has hurt me, I now want no contact with her either. Of course, I’m retired as well. It’s great & not so great all at the same time. I just sit here and shake my head. HOW did this happen and where are the solutions?

I had an interesting phone conversation today with a new friend in Texas. She & I are both cancer survivors which is how we met. It’s such a VICTORY and GIFT to be a survivor and it gets very tricky when admitting our quality of life now. From fighting for our lives to now being ALIVE and sitting at home lonely and sad. Maybe we’re just never satisfied as Prince once sang. It makes no sense. She & I share many similar feelings and are both equally perplexed. This is certainly nothing like I imagined my “golden years” to be.

So I volunteer with kids’ groups, belong to several social groups & support groups. Over the years I have taken classes and also participated in a variety of other distractions. I now have a great dog who does help alot, I meet local friends for lunch and listen to their stories of life with their husbands, spending time with their kids, grandkids & relatives and all the fun things they do. I’m truly happy for them and if I am honest, sad for me. Loneliness… knock, knock.

Tonight “Texas” & I decided to get creative and seek & find some solutions for the issue of Grandparent Alienation leading to this awful and intense loneliness. I invite you to join in our quest! Please share any ideas you may have and let’s find solutions. Every problem can have a solution, right? Maybe? No? I’m just not ready to give up yet. Close maybe… but not yet. Things can change so quickly, maybe for the good as well as the bad. What will add meaning and value of our selves and purpose into our lives? Can we get beyond the thinking that if our very own children don’t want us, than who else will either? Even though I hardly ever truly believe that is true, some times like now, I do wonder if it’s true and what is “wrong” with me? Even though it’s only ONE person rejecting me, she was my world. Dang! I’m done for tonight. Sweet dreams all. 🙂